Get On the Same Page!

When you are preparing to get married, you have a lot of details to take care of. You want to find the perfect dress. You want to find the perfect flowers. You think you've already found the perfect spouse. But if you want to have the perfect marriage, rather than the perfect recipe for divorce, make sure you find something most couples neglect: the perfect marriage counselor.

Studies have shown that couples who invest in quality pre-marriage counseling are more likely to avoid divorce. By quality, I don't mean a one-time visit with your priest or family friend. I mean you sit down and unpack issues that I promise will arise later in your marriage.

The top four causes for divorce are money, in-laws, religion, and children. When you sit down with your counselor, you need to unpack these issues. You need to decide how you will approach each of these subjects. If you (foolishly) decide to only address one, make it money. Money is the biggest cause of marriage fights and divorces in America. Couples fight about money at all stages. When you make sure that the two of you are on the same page, you can avoid most of those fights, thus ensuring a quality marriage.

What type of things do you and your spouse need to discuss? Some issues might include:

• How do we feel about debt?


• How much debt are we comfortable with?


• What are our financial goals?


• What is our starting-out budget?


• What will we do about retirement savings?


• What will we do about kids' college funding (assuming we have kids)?


• Will we have kids?


• How many kids do we want?


• Is mom wanting or planning to stay at home or work?


• If she's staying home, what can we do early in our marriage to make that work financially?


• What will we do about discipling children?


• If either spouse is bringing children from a previous marriage in, how will we handle them? (and how will we handle ex-spouses?)


• What are our feelings on religion?


• Do we want to go to church together?


• How big a part of our life is our religion?


• How will we celebrate religious occasions?


• Do we want to pray or read scriptures together?


• How close do we want to live to our in-laws? (this answer may change after a year of marriage)


• How do we want to handle holidays with extended families?


• Do we want to start our own traditions or go back to our parents? Which set of parents?

These are not the least of the questions that you will need to address in your marriage, but they will give you a good start. These issues are far more important – and cause far more tension – than toothpaste squeezing or toilet paper rolls. Address them before you say your vows, and you will have a much easier first year of marriage.

Eggs-tra Successful Marriage - Advice for a Marriage not Spoiled by Divorce

Spring brings newness of life, even in marriages. Young people are becoming engaged or planning to take their marriage vows. People, who have been married for a while, may be finding it difficult to stay together; their marriage may be on the brink of divorce. As Easter arrives with egg hunts and baskets filled with colored eggs, here is a basket of eggs-tra special ideas to make a fresh start on the success of your marriage.

As you take an idea from the Easter basket, notice that the eggs have colors that represent ways for an eggs-tra successful marriage. First, take the white egg. It does not have color. It represents the vows that you will take or took during your wedding ceremony. The translucent white means the pureness and faithfulness of marriage partners. The yolk signifies the value of commitment to success. When you promised to live together in marriage, you were pledging a harmonious relationship and to live together as peaceable as possible. However, when sickness, enlarged families or even changed life-styles threaten to crack your matrimonial bond, vows may become shattered like eggshells. Vows you make should be permanent, not shattered by other people or things.

Newly married couples usually are in the pink with love and affection for one another. Love is represented in the pink egg of the Easter basket. As time goes on, the pink may fade; the love and affection may wane. A partner may break the wedding vows and become unfaithful. When the color in your marriage egg begins to grow dim, seek fresh ways to bring it back. Plan a candlelight dinner for two in a romantic setting. Recall the love and affection that you once had. Discuss what has happened to lessen the brightness of your marriage egg. Send a card or a note of love to your spouse for no reason. Surprise him or her with tickets to his/her favorite event. Be sure that the other person attending with your spouse is YOU! Love covers a multitude of sins. Put your marriage egg back in the pink!

Marriage is often like a journey through green fields with eggshells. You may have to be careful where you walk, because the ugly head of green eggshells filled with jealousy may be lurking. You may encounter hard eggshells of distrust or un-forgiveness. Even financial woes or job changes may be hard eggshells to crack. Yet if you walk in peace and harmony with one another, you will find the journey easier. Talk about what has caused the hardness in the eggshell of marriage. Discuss about ways to overcome the green-colored resentments and failures that is spoiling your marriage egg and leading to divorce. Walking together in prayer relieves many problems. Even through the marriage egg may become cracked because of faults and imperfections by human beings, the egg of success can still be saved when couples walk and work together.

This Easter go on an Easter egg hunt for solutions. Make the hunt together. Seek advice from trained authorities in their fields of expertise. Look for different colored eggs with ways to communicate and place them in your marriage basket. Count your eggs of blessings when you felt love and affection for one another. Repeat your marriage vows on your anniversary. Talk about why you were married. Work together to make your marriage as valuable as a golden goose egg. Strive for an eggs-tra special successful marriage that will last until one of the spouses is deceased.