What is it Worth to You?

By the time young women are of the "marrying age", most have uttered these words, "I always dreamed of a big, fancy wedding."

Most little girls do dream of big, fancy weddings. In fact, their play often involves placing a white veil on their heads - perhaps nothing more than a sheer curtain attached to a headband – and walking with a plastic bouquet down an imaginary church aisle. If no neighborhood boys or brothers can be coerced into playing the part of the groom, then the girls take turns being bride and groom.

Those dreaming young girls have no idea what the cost of a wedding might be, and by the time they come to that realization, they have their hearts set and daddy and husband-to-be aren't about to shatter the bride-to-be's dreams. Mom usually has a dream of her own – her beautiful daughter in a very expensive gown, walking down the aisle of a huge church. Afterwards, the dreams of Mom and daughter see a large hall filled with food and people, music and fun.

Still, most fathers make at least one attempt to persuade their daughters to consider taking a sum of money and either eloping or planning a very small gathering of friends and family, instead of spending so much on a grand wedding event. Perhaps more daughters should consider doing just that.

The wedding industry would disagree. Their pocketbooks are lined as the dream weddings are planned and performed. Why would they want that to change?

But each man and woman planning to be married should consider whether or not having one day that costs between $15,000 and $60,000 or more is really worth that amount of money. It is only one day, and it is the ceremony itself that is the important thing, not the glitter that tags along. The words exchanged, the love shared, the plans of a future together are the important things.

Weddings never go off as planned. There are problems, some minor and some major, in the planning and execution of every wedding. And in the midst of planning, lives are changed, feelings are hurt, harsh words are exchanged, and relationships are marred. Is having a huge wedding really worth all of that?

If the father of the bride offers money to help avoid all the pitfalls of having a gargantuan wedding, should the future bride and groom consider such an offer? Perhaps.

1) Would the money help pay off student loans, thereby relieving the couple of that debt?

2) Could the money be used for a good vehicle?

3) Would the money make a good down payment on a house or condominium? Or would, if placed into an investment plan or savings account, would the money be the foundation for buying a house at a later date?

Can a wedding be one that everyone will remember, even if it does not include using the best caterers in town and the fanciest ballroom? Of course. There are other halls available, and often family and friends can be even better caterers.

Must the bride buy her wedding gown from the most expensive bridal store in town? Of course not. Major retailers offer some excellent choices right off the rack.

Invitations can be simple and less expensive and still elegant. Flower arrangements and bouquets can be simple and elegant as well for those on a tight budget.

Some say that how you plan your wedding and spend money for that one day of your life affects how you think about money issues in the marriage. Learning to be frugal and wise from the beginning benefits any marriage relationship.

Even if the bride's parents can afford it, does it really make sense to plan a wedding that costs more than the average person makes in one year? Is it really worth the time, the inconvenience, and the relationship strains that come from spending months and months planning that picture perfect monstrous wedding, that will never be picture perfect? It's definitely something to ponder.