Should You Commoditize Your Worth in a Relationship?

We live in a capitalist society, and in this kind of society everything is viewed as a commodity. We view our wallet size, our body size, our house size, our education level, and our level of attractiveness as commodities within relationships. Many times in relationships we base our worth and the worth of our mates on capitalist principles. We may say or think "I know I couldn't get a man that is attractive because I am not attractive" or " I can get any mate I want because I look damn good."

Now, I am not naïve enough to believe that things like beauty, prestige, and wealth have not played a part in keeping long lasting relationships together. However, if we make the mistake of confusing superficial attributes with substance we may pay a huge price.

I am not just referring to the lost dollars, the lost property, and/or the loss of time with children that two superficial people may experience when they have to part. The bigger price tag comes from the damage to your spirit and your soul.

One consequence of viewing ourselves as commodities can be distrusting another who loves us just the way we are because we do not think we measure up to society's standard of beauty or wealth. Another is missing out on love from someone who we think doesn't have the right commodities.

Countless time I have heard women and men talk about "bringing something to the table" when referring to relationships. Since when did love become a business? I do understand that when a man and women join in marriage they have the opportunity to build a life together and a byproduct of that is financial gain. However, in my opinion, when they join it should always be about a mutual love and respect they have for each other. Otherwise, the union will be headed to a sure demise.

When my husband and I met, we were both very broke, one of us was in school, one was not. We both had questionable credit, and neither of us had a car. I was young, very shapely, and very attractive. Prior to meeting him I had used what some might call "my assets" to date men that had more money than I. However, when I met him I knew immediately that he was a man of substance and value, and I fell in love. Once we married we worked together to build things like credit, and businesses. We both know that if those things go away, our love won't crumble because our relationship wasn't built on those things.

If we strive to be the best we can be internally and externally, then we can have faith that we will attract someone of similar substance. We do not have to limit ourselves to what society dictates to us. Love is about compatibility, trust and respect. We can love anyone we want, once we release the chains society places on us.